K.V.M.

“I don’t believe people really change. Everyone just gets better at hiding who they really are.”

I said this a really long time ago in response to an awful situation I was in, but I still believe it to be true. As we grow older, wiser, we evolve in the way we present ourselves. We adapt to those around us based on how the people around us, be that friends, family, lovers, respond to us and adjust ourselves accordingly. We don’t change who we are, we just adjust.

You may not agree, but it’s my opinion and I’ve never seen this to be untrue. I’ll always be the vulnerable, scared, bitchy, obnoxious girl, I will always care about how people perceive me, always try to impress those I think are “cooler” than me. I have gotten better at hiding it however, it will always be there. Despite how much I “don’t care”, I reeeeally do, simple truth.

Don’t kid yourself into thinking people are capable of change, we are static. We learn, yes, but within those lessons we still are the person we have always been. You can say this is dreadfully depressing, sure it is a bit, but quite honestly isn’t everything in this world sad in its own way? I’m a realist, I try to see things/situations/people as they are, not as I want them to be, but raw. There are exceptions to every rule, but change is subjective to begin with. Meh, still don’t think it’s possible. We are who we are.

Amor fati is a Latin phrase loosely translating to “love of fate” or “love of one’s fate”. It is used to describe an attitude in which one sees everything that happens in one’s life, including suffering and loss, as good. Moreover, it is characterized by an acceptance of the events or situations that occur in one’s life.

The phrase appears in the Meditations of Marcus Aurelius and in the works of other stoics. Simone Weil in a letter to Father Perrin (published in “Waiting on God”) explains the phrase in relation to God:

The duty of acceptance in all that concerns the will of God, whatever it may be, was impressed upon my mind as the first and most necessary of all duties from the time when I found it set down in Marcus Aurelius under the form of the amor fati of the Stoics. I saw it as a duty we cannot fail in without dishonoring ourselves.

The phrase is used repeatedly in Nietzsche’s writings and is representative of the general outlook on life he articulates in section 276 of The Gay Science, which reads:

I want to learn more and more to see as beautiful what is necessary in things; then I shall be one of those who make things beautiful. Amor fati: let that be my love henceforth! I do not want to wage war against what is ugly. I do not want to accuse; I do not even want to accuse those who accuse. Looking away shall be my only negation. And all in all and on the whole: some day I wish to be only a Yes-sayer.

Quote from “Why I Am So Clever” in Ecce Homo, section 10[1]:

My formula for greatness in a human being is amor fati: that one wants nothing to be different, not forward, not backward, not in all eternity. Not merely bear what is necessary, still less conceal it—all idealism is mendaciousness in the face of what is necessary—but love it.

You know when you have people in your life that you would do anything for? I have those.

Nothing pains me more than to know that when one of them needs help, or is in some sort of distress there is nothing I can do. Be that they don’t want the help or it is beyond my control- it sucks! Sometimes I’m too stubborn for my own good, I should let certain issues be but I refuse to give in that way. So I’ll push until I get my way to find out what’s wrong, is it annoying? Yupp! Do I care? Nome. I’ll do whatever it takes to help a friend.. Even if they say that don’t want it.

Knowing one of my best friends is upset and they won’t tell me what’s wrong so I can’t help is the worst feeling; I’m completely helpless. Wonderful. Guess all you can do is hope they make it through or eventually ask for the support that is idly waiting in the shadows.

♥